Tampering With Things Man Was Not Meant to Know - The Mad Scientist guide to Laboratory Safety. (Feb/28/2009 )
43. When carrying out high-pressure experiments, make sure that all of your welds are good and all bolts are tight. make Sure that the pressure relief vales are checked regularly, in case some blundering hero (or the cat) leans on the wrong lever and makes the pressure rise well above the rated maximum for the pressure vessel (you can tell that from the red zone of the pressure gauge).
When carrying out such experiments, make sure all workers are out of the area during tests so there are no workplace injuries (the paperwork is appalling!). Work from behind protective materials that will not fail even if the vessel explodes.
44. If you have to give a presentation of your work to an important audience such as an archenemy, a superhero or a government secret agent, it pays to get some practice first. Rehears your talk, which is best done in front of a live audience. The girlfriend or significant other of our anticipated guest is desirable. However if this can not be done, use your research assistants instead.
perneseblue on Mar 13 2009, 08:55 AM said:
45. If your boss is going to present his/her work to important audience and thinks of practising and for some reason he cannot do it in front of his/her significant other then he/she will turn to you if you are the research assistant. For such time, be prepared before hand - sleep well on the previous night, eat enough, and go to the toilet before the practice. You can practice these by yourself at home also by making your significant other talk to you what they think is important and sit down listening attentively no matter how difficult it might be.
46. If these presentations and talks are really this important, but you have no time for preparation and test talks, no ability and no results, then go to plan B: Mix some drugs in the coffee or prepare your special cookies. Something that brightens their mood, soften their dispositions, kills the power of judgment...the spirits are running high, the bad futile talk is forgotten. Pot is well-tried and a hot tip.
For single persons hypnosis may help, but not applicable to super heroes or agents, at least if they are worth their salt.
hobglobin on Mar 14 2009, 01:18 AM said:
For single persons hypnosis may help, but not applicable to super heroes or agents, at least if they are worth their salt.
Means something like this
Nabi on Mar 13 2009, 10:50 PM said:
hobglobin on Mar 14 2009, 01:18 AM said:
For single persons hypnosis may help, but not applicable to super heroes or agents, at least if they are worth their salt.
Means something like this
47. But if you're gonna do something nefarious and illegal (desperate times like giving a seminar or presentation, call for desperate measures), make sure that your crime is fool-proof and designed with the utmost cunning and cleverest of planning, cover your tracks well or at least pour a little bit of mud on them, plan an escape route that might include a few nips and tucks and even an eye transplant, and if in the end you're still called in for routine questioning, the first rule of thumb: you must never ever volunteer relevant information....actually, tis the best time to play the absent-minded, senile professor..."my cat's been missing officer, oh it's my lab rabbit which looks like a cat, but it can meow to the tune of any Bob Dylan's songs like The Boxer and Yellow Brick Road....and why am I here...oops, sorry I'm still wearing my Sponge Bob pyjamas....did something happen..I've been looking for my cat disguised as a lab rabbit...no, we don't raise elephants in the lab so no need for a tranquiliser gun, and nope, never smoked it, the only pot I know is where I cooked my rabbit.....omg.. ... "
...feigning all innocence, shock and grief..... worthy of an Oscar... 48. Apart from a positive working atmosphere and reliable business environment, don't forget the gimmicks and gadgets that brightens the scientist's day and make sure that all work in a pleasant environment. I don't think of the automatic pipetting station with build-in mp3-player or scented autoclaves (though the latter might be useful too sometimes).
What a successful company and the evil scientist's backyard Inc. anyway needs are the proper laboratory animals.
Our ancestors stole cats and dogs from the streets, backyards and of course the cute pets of children. Or made expensive expeditions to collect apes and bats from rain forests or outlying castles (and then were bitten by those zombie-virus-vectors).
No. What one needs are standardised, healthy and easy to keep animals. Susceptible to the tests, modest, not dangerous, not malodorous, not too big, not too small.
I think of the laboratory koala that fulfils all the demands of a modern laboratory. But over and above all this advantages, it's a cute, fluffy pet, all technicians will love to work with and cuddle in the free time. As as result the working atmosphere is less tense and all are happy.
Finally those creatures are also useful for the therapy of absent-minded, senile professors. Certified by Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth and Dr. Ogden Wernstrom.
hobglobin on Mar 14 2009, 04:30 PM said:
What a successful company and the evil scientist's backyard Inc. anyway needs are the proper laboratory animals.
Our ancestors stole cats and dogs from the streets, backyards and of course the cute pets of children. Or made expensive expeditions to collect apes and bats from rain forests or outlying castles (and then were bitten by those zombie-virus-vectors).
No. What one needs are standardised, healthy and easy to keep animals. Susceptible to the tests, modest, not dangerous, not malodorous, not too big, not too small.
I think of the laboratory koala that fulfils all the demands of a modern laboratory. But over and above all this advantages, it's a cute, fluffy pet, all technicians will love to work with and cuddle in the free time. As as result the working atmosphere is less tense and all are happy.
Finally those creatures are also useful for the therapy of absent-minded, senile professors. Certified by Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth and Dr. Ogden Wernstrom.
...really....you shld 've stuck to the scented autoclaves...aromatherapy instead of cuddletheray could cure whatever ails Prof Farnsworth's mind. Besides, where are ya gonna get the eucalyptus leaves? casandra on Mar 14 2009, 09:42 PM said:
hobglobin on Mar 14 2009, 04:30 PM said:
What a successful company and the evil scientist's backyard Inc. anyway needs are the proper laboratory animals.
Our ancestors stole cats and dogs from the streets, backyards and of course the cute pets of children. Or made expensive expeditions to collect apes and bats from rain forests or outlying castles (and then were bitten by those zombie-virus-vectors).
No. What one needs are standardised, healthy and easy to keep animals. Susceptible to the tests, modest, not dangerous, not malodorous, not too big, not too small.
I think of the laboratory koala that fulfils all the demands of a modern laboratory. But over and above all this advantages, it's a cute, fluffy pet, all technicians will love to work with and cuddle in the free time. As as result the working atmosphere is less tense and all are happy.
Finally those creatures are also useful for the therapy of absent-minded, senile professors. Certified by Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth and Dr. Ogden Wernstrom.
...really....you shld 've stuck to the scented autoclaves...aromatherapy instead of cuddletheray could cure whatever ails Prof Farnsworth's mind. Besides, where are ya gonna get the eucalyptus leaves?They are delivered just in time from a plantation, the koalas I mean
. 49. Now back to fancy gadgets that are a must in every lab for ensuring that you work in a healthy, happy, safe environment, they keep errors (therefore stress) to the minimum and make sure that you’re as productive as ever. One should install in every bench- LabStar® a lab security, safety and protocol navigation device. When you push the red button, a live, see-all, know-all female advisor (with a bedroom voice) will give you step by step instructions on how to do your complicated experiments. “Step 1. Unwrap your 96-well flat-bottomed plates and place on top of your bench N 37 degrees 45.69 and W 97 degrees 90.41.”
For a few dollars more, she can provide encouragement (“good job honey”) constructive criticisms (I see your point but it would be better if you wait till it dries up completely…), modify your protocol (instead of tapping gently, try a hammer) and even verbal abuse (not in that well, you idiot, I said the next one). It’s got an audio-interface, perfect for all your whining and unloading when things don’t work out. It even comes with a blue tooth for flexibility and portability so you’re still connected to your expt even when you’re on bathroom breaks. And while waiting during incubations, it can also set you up on dates, do your social networking, call your Mom etc…And in cases of emergency (like a mini-explosion or flash fires) , you’ve got the red button which when pushed would immediately send an SOS signal everywhere that even an alien ship passing by would respond. LabStar® - highly recommended…..