I think, therefore, I joke - I joke, therefore, you better laugh (Jan/30/2009 )
The Philosophy of Positive Absolutism
A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never be absolute, unless absolutely necessary:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
stolen from somewhere in the big wide web..........
Philosophy of Freedom from Fear
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under. "You gotta help me, I'm going crazy!"
"Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."
"How much do you charge?"
"A hundred dollars per visit."
"I'll sleep on it," said Shakey.
Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
"For a hundred buck's a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
"Is that so! How?"
"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
Philosophy of Confession
Brian ducked into a confessional booth with a turkey in his hands.
A moment later, the priest stepped into the adjoining booth.
"Forgive me, Father," Brian confessed, "for I have sinned. I have stolen this turkey to feed my family. Would you take it and settle my guilt?"
"Certainly not," said the Priest. "As penance, you must return it to the one from whom you stole it."
"I tried," Brian said, "but he refused. Oh, Father, what should I do?"
The Priest thought for a moment and then said, "Well, if what you say is true, then it is all right for you to keep it for your family."
"Thank you, Father," Brian said. He then hurried off.
When his day was done, the Priest left the church and returned to his house. When he walked into his kitchen, he found that someone had stolen his turkey.
Philosophy of following Rules
Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.
After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator.
On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.
"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."
Nabi on Feb 15 2009, 08:06 PM said:
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, “I just dreamed you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine’s Day. What do you think it means?”
"You’ll know tonight,” he said.
That evening the husband came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--to find a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams.”
this list is a bit old but what the heck.....
The Top 10 Philosophy Questions of All Time, Answered!
10. How do I know anything really exists?
Kick it *really* hard.
9. What is the essence of being human?
Not understanding the opposite sex.
8. If a tree falls in the forest, and there’s no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.
7. How do I know I’m not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation of life?
Look in the mirror. If you see a gray, spongy thing in a glass container, you are.
6. Can our minds exist seperately from our bodies?
If they could, we’d just send our minds to class and sleep in every morning.
5. Is there a God?
A billion Hindus can’t be wrong.
4. What is the nature of Knowledge?
I’m still trying to figure out the nature of *college*.
3. What is the meaning of life?
All evidence to date suggests it’s chocolate.
2. Why get a Philosophy degree?
It’s more respectable than a theater degree, but you still get to drink lots of espresso.
1. So, was Kant on drugs or what?
I got all dem answers right the first time....
casandra on May 14 2009, 04:50 AM said:
Nabi on May 14 2009, 01:25 AM said:
casandra on May 14 2009, 04:50 AM said:
BB, you know I never kid.....I am the soul of serious-mindedness even to the point of staidness...... and just to prove this point, shall we do another round of "why did the chicken cross the road?"
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down the trees.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road cross the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!
Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?
Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.
Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.
Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.
Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?
Bioforum: cos it's looking for some nice , yummy RSS feed...
chicken crossing road is an easy one. That, even I can do.
Casandra : To join the Radio Bioforum group @ Last.fm.
TJ : Was there a bar on the other side?
Hamada : Please give me the pubmed link.
Minnie : Pluto must have chased it away.
Cellcounter : please search with the key-words 'chicken', 'road', 'cross' on valdo.com and read up the 4th item from search page 3. Good luck!
oooppss..forgot the latest ones:
Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!
Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?