EVEL CO-WORKERS - How to cope with them? (Feb/21/2006 )
Aqua - I too, learn best by writing things down completely so I can then go back and do the repeat it without having to bother other people to re-explain things. I think if you can flatter her sort of...and say something like "you really explain things well, so I want to make sure I get it down correctly so I won't have to bother you later..." I have had co-workers who eventually warmed up because I subtly would do things like that. Also, ask her things about her expertise, get her to talk about herself and her interests. It may be that it is boring for you, but in the long run, people love to talk about themselves and their interests. You might be able to win her over. She may feel threatened by you, and therefore is acting up to to cover her own insecurities.
Just a thought - sorry it is so difficult. People can be so vicious for no reason sometimes...
Good luck,
MSM
ok, this is something i was told the first day i started in the lab, "people who get good grades at school are usually lousey in the lab." something about not being able to control everything, etc etc. and i think, to a point, this is right. so many people come in to the lab and assume that it'll be a cakewalk because they were so good a looking up books (not you, but other people i see around), and when things goes wrong, they start a hissy fit, and don't know how to go on. boo hoo hoo, cry me a river. but this isn't your case. so moving on...
Write the notes down on the techniques ("i have to... short attention span. ohh look, a blue car"), ask questions *here*, try to be as independent as possible. the person who was supposed to show me around didn't. it meant i worked a lot more, but appreciate things a lot more too. we rub along well now.
i would suggest keeping your contact with her to a minimum. ask other people, perhaps people you get along with better, for help. unless she is the only one who knows how to do a particular technique, you'll get along without her.
you aren't there to make friends. you are there to learn. make it a professional relationship, instead of being all buddies.
keep your cool. know your project inside out. try to learn as much about the techniques as possible, from someone willing to teach you (that includes this forum). be professional. be polite, kind, curteous. remember: you're the student. regardless how you feel about this chick, don't let it get to you (thick skin), and don't let her know what you think of her.
if she is a bully, she'll "get off" on making you feel small. if she doesn't have that effect on you, she'll set her sites on someone else. if you say something bad against her, it'll blow up in your face, and you'll pay the consequences for it (for a very long time).
not being mean, but realise that you can't always get along with everyone else.
not everyone is as warm and cuddly as the biforum.
vetticus.
I totally agree with what other people said here and I am in a very similar situation. I'm sorry to hear you are too.
In my case, I tried everything you can imagine: showing dedication, paying all the attention in the world, writing every step, saying nice things to her, apologising if I was doing something wrong that I didnt know, talkiing to my boss (who said I was paranoid and was looking for excuses), you name it.
At the end, what I most regret was being too humble. Each case is a case, and when we are new in a lab and learning from others, it's important to be humble and show respect. But to a certain extent.
Now I am leaving my lab because of her and the hateful atmosphere of competition that was created. I can't put up with that anymore. And if there is one thing I regret was no standing up for myself sooner.
That said, it's very important that you know your project really really well, why you are doing each and every step. That will help you to gain confidence and independence, so you will need her less and less. But if she sees you as a competitor, she will make life hard for you. Except you now have a better way to defend yourself.
Good luck, don't allow her to bring you down, find your enthusiasm in the things you love in science.
Consider that she has no direct stake in your success and might be resentful she got stuck with you.
It's often difficult for young folks transitioning from parental and teacher benevolence and interest to more of a real world situation where folks are competitive and you have to prove yourself.
In any case, I suggest you focus on the work and not your hurt feelings. Get through this and you'll be on yopur own.