EVEL CO-WORKERS - How to cope with them? (Feb/21/2006 )
Hi,
I am at the beginning of my diploma-work in a new lab. The senior girl, that is supposed to guide me takes every opportunity to make me feel stupid, although I think I am doing just fine, esecially if I take into account this is the first time for me. I have feeling, she is doing it because she wants to get rid of me (as we are the same profiles, she sees me as competitor). I would like to be in good relationship with her, but don't know how to stop her putting me down 
. Any advice?
this discussion came up a while back...you can find it here
I am sorry. Much of the time there is nothing you can really do without jeopardizing your own position or looking like an ass, especially if it is all insinuation and innuendo...many workplace bullies are too smart to do anything concrete
if you go to google and search 'workplace bully' you can find some interesting links, and even perhaps some ways to deal.
there was a topic here dealing with conflicting relationships between co workers...
I think best thing is to do as your best and ignore silly people. She needs to guide you, ok, but you know yourself better than her and you will progress (seems not the case for her).
By discussing with others ones, reading and going through topics in bioforum you may learn many things and enrich your knowledges...
If your just starting, the general rule is: everyone senior will make you feel stupid at first. Then they get to know you, and it doesn't become an issue (unless they're a bully).
Make sure you read alot before you attempt the experiment. It helps them think more of you, and they will give you a little more respect.
Try to have thicker skin. So what if she isn't nice, unless it's interfering with you work, ignore the bad bits, and take in what you're supposed to be taught. What really matters is what you, and your boss, think of your work.
Give it time. Be nice, polite, and read ahead to get a grasp on what you're doing. Bribe, bribe, bribe.
Vetticus
Vetticus3 has right idea, you will get more respect from co-workers if you know what you are doing, do good work and be a team player.
When I read your post, I felt a tiny bit bad because some students I was training this week were being mentally lazy and not paying attention. They probably felt pretty stupid this week, but they EARNED it and ASKED for it. I spent a considerable amount of time explaining some theory and showing them them how to do something and when it came time for them to do the same experiments, they had no clue what they were doing. I made it clear to them that had they taken notes, they would have known the answers to their most simple, fundamental questions. One of them started to pull up her bootstraps today and I was very nice to her today. I understand that questions come up and no question is a stupid question, but there comes a point when someone who is just being lazy and not thinking and they are wasting your time.
Nothing pisses me off more (except maybe slacker lab drama queens) than people who don't pay attention and write stuff down when you're training them.
Make sure you read alot before you attempt the experiment. It helps them think more of you, and they will give you a little more respect.
Vetticus3 has right idea, you will get more respect from co-workers if you know what you are doing, do good work and be a team player.
When I read your post, I felt a tiny bit bad because some students I was training this week were being mentally lazy and not paying attention. They probably felt pretty stupid this week, but they EARNED it and ASKED for it. I spent a considerable amount of time explaining some theory and showing them them how to do something and when it came time for them to do the same experiments, they had no clue what they were doing. I made it clear to them that had they taken notes, they would have known the answers to their most simple, fundamental questions. One of them started to pull up her bootstraps today and I was very nice to her today. I understand that questions come up and no question is a stupid question, but there comes a point when someone who is just being lazy and not thinking and they are wasting your time.
Nothing pisses me off more (except maybe slacker lab drama queens) than people who don't pay attention and write stuff down when you're training them.
I understand what you are saying, but I think I am in a different position. I am listening as carefully as I can, writing down as much as possible an asking questions, as this is the first time for me to see lots of techniques. But the irony is, that she is bullying me instead of replying to my questions and she keeps saying I don't need to write things down, 'cause there will always be people to help me around (I suppose she would like me to ask her even more, so I would give her more opportunities to make idiot out of me). I know the principles of techniques, but I have technical problems, which cannot be passed just by reading literature- I have to learn from practice, I guess. Would you make fun of your student like that?
I am really shocked about the situation, as I have always been an A student and really good at solving problems. But now I am asking myself: am I realy so impractical or is it just that somebody is trying to take advantage of my 'beggining difficulties', to make me feel uncapable of doing lab researches...
Well, thank you all for your advices, anyway. I will try to do my best!
Aqua...
I really feel bad for you. But if you r doing all that you can and she still insists on being a jerk....just get yourself a thick skin...
Just ignore her snides and get on with your work. I had a senior who was really nasty and would just blow up when you would think the water was really calm. I just learned to analyze her moods ...so i would avoid asking her questions int he morning or even going to her side of the lab. She used to calm down by the afternoons...You really cant do anything with such people..just get on with work. Its not really worth thinking and feeling bad. Just dont let her bully you or make you feel like a doormat.
good luck...just remeber that if she gets to you...she wins....dont let her.
Gee Aqua, I wish you were working here with me, I would love to train someone like you! If someone is making the effort to learn, I wouldn't act like that person. I wouldn't even make fun of someone at their expense even if I didn't like them.
If I didn't like a person very much, I would just try to minimize my interaction with that person. I realize that this person has to train you and there is no way around it until you are more independent in the lab. I would try to ask/observe other people in the lab some of the more techinical questions that can't be answered in books. Maybe this senior person doesn't like people and so if some of the "burden of dealing with others" can be alleviated by you talking to other lab people, she wouldn't be so bitchy. When I was starting out working in labs, I used to watch people do experiments even if it was not related to my project if they didn't mind an audience. I learned a lot this way but not everyone likes an audience.
As to her telling you not to write stuff down, she is micromanaging you and it is unfortunate she has to act this way to you to make her feel better about herself.
Aqua,
I feel really sorry for you.
When I had my problem, I tried to work on it with the person in question... for months and months. When I realised there was nothing I could do to make this person less hostile, I tried to talk to my supervisor about it. His response was that it isn't my job to make someone like me, and if I couldn't cope with the aggro I should see a doc about some anti-depressant meds. Schyeah right! In the end, I quit my position. I don't regret quitting. I regret that in the end, I came out as the unprofessional one, and not the bully.
If you can't improve your relationship with the person in question, make sure someone who can and will do something about it knows.
I feel really sorry for you.
When I had my problem, I tried to work on it with the person in question... for months and months. When I realised there was nothing I could do to make this person less hostile, I tried to talk to my supervisor about it. His response was that it isn't my job to make someone like me, and if I couldn't cope with the aggro I should see a doc about some anti-depressant meds. Schyeah right! In the end, I quit my position. I don't regret quitting. I regret that in the end, I came out as the unprofessional one, and not the bully.
If you can't improve your relationship with the person in question, make sure someone who can and will do something about it knows.
Thank U all, again! You really helped to make me feel better with your opinions. Deep inside me, I know she has problems with herself, but still, it's very difficult to work with a person like that. I will do my best, and try to funcion normally, but it won't work, I will just go away as soon as possible.
OMG Oryx, I can see you have been tortured, too. You are right, people like our bullies know how to do it the way that nobody sees their real face, accept the victim. Usually they are actually the sweetest people in the world with their bosses, but monsters with us. I feel really sorry for you, too. Hope you found better job now.