i'm so fed up and confused!! - HELP :( (Jul/06/2009 )
Maybe frequent swearing and cursing will help the pain go away: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/8147170.stm
haha! cheers miRNA man! I saw that other day and i thought it was brilliant! What a great peace of research!
I'll do my best
Agreed that you are not in best of your position but it could be worse. Having said that, you certainly don't want to get into my shoes. Search my posts on the same forum and check my worse condition.
To cut long story short, my project was a big risk project to start with. A post-doc in our lab would always highlight this thing when I would give a talk in the lab meeting. My boss had hypothesis and nothing else. He had no clue how to go ahead with the project. I was left to do everything by myself. This was good in a way that I learned very well but the bad part is, since he didn't know anything in the project, he was very suspicious on what I was doing. It took more than a year for him to believe, what I was doing was correct. May be I was at fault too, I couldn't speak his 'lingo' that it would perspire in his brain.
I can't and could not approach him anytime with any problem, as all I would get back is, how-stupid-you-are kind of attitude. Bullying in the form of screaming and swearing became a regular thing. I-have-a-problem was never accepted. Failures were not accepted. If you with any negative result, you would get really acidic remarks. You have to explain negative results and you can not explain always, why thats so. If such scenario comes up then it would be hell.
The things got worse and worse, I spent 2 years in depression, now have been diagnosed with another stress-related condition, eating about USD 500 worth medication a month. My article got scooped out by our collaborator and how that happened, I don't know. My boss never came clean on that. I think that was some kind of deal.
Now I am in similar situation as you are, should have defended my thesis now but no articles so can't defend. Still my boss wants me to explore on hypothesis when actually I should be getting, whatever-I-have, out and here I am, spending another year on something that will not contribute to our upcoming article. I have to do it, as if his hypothesis turns true, it will be a nice story. I agree on that part but its just not worth spending so much time on this already scooped out article.
Now, I have isolated myself in the lab. Don't interact with the boss or any other colleague unless its essential. Stress has becoming integral part of life, more frequent than having interactions with my partner.
He has sabotaged my self-confidence totally and my dream of working in science is tarnished a big time. I was very seriously considering to go to industry for a while to learn how it really works and then start my own group. Now, I think, I will just use my skills to teach next generation, if at all, I get teaching job after one of two post-docs.
Don't you think now, you are in way good position?
KatieB on Jul 15 2009, 11:24 AM said:
You have every right to moan here because you know some poeple will be in the same boat! Its a great place to vent and sometimes its nice to know your not so alone with your experiences...
Im having a tough time with it at the moment because they keep switching priorities in my project... i wont go into too much detail just in case but keeping everything straight in my head is a nightmare! and my supervisor is ofent absent for months at a time...
So rant away if it makes you feel better
You have the right to moan, vent or even scream. THis is what this forum section is here for.
I have my own set of problems in the lab too, but I can't be bothered to go through it into details.
All I can say is.. whenever I need help, I will come to this forum and get the help I need for my experiments and it is really very useful so I am glad to be part of this community here.
Do cheer up and see things on the bright side. You aint alone!
lialia makes a good poiunt - blow off some steam but stay positive. Your persistence here will very lilkely lead to eventual success in your current endeavor and, more importantly, will establish how you'll address the rigors of the world in and outside the lab as you advance in your career.
Cheers folks for your feedback. Just getting time to sit down and check the forums the now!
Everything seems to have improved in last few weeks, or at least my mood has and i'm feeling more positive! my big last experiment is now finished and i'm going on holiday on thursday, first in two years so i can not wait! Afterwards its back to the lab for month or so to do last analysis and then the big write up!
I found out today i'm getting interviewed for that pt lecturer post so really pleased about that and its boosted my confidence a little, fingers crossed i don't botch up the interview now as its the day after we get back from holiday so not going to have loads of prep time.
Anyway, thanks for listening, it is good to moan anonymously
hope everyone else who posted is coping ok at moment too, we will get there eventually!
Great news - keep up the positive attitude and the good work.
GeorgeWolff on Aug 4 2009, 10:37 PM said:
Thanks George, will do!
KatieB on Jul 15 2009, 02:24 AM said:
Thats the way man... dun give up!!!.. hehe was abit harsh but it worked din it XD. hows the search going?