Assasinated by lab gossip - (Oct/17/2008 )
Urrrggghh....
My character had been assassinated by lab gossip. It's so preposterous, and funny, alas, with weight that can still kill. This is my first time being in a gossip and it's so strange and sad. FYI, I have never gossiped, as almost 80% of the content might be false... so, I'd rather learn first hand or know the person better before judging a person.
Oh ya, hope you guys can comment on this:
Is buying a Christmas card, then asking lab mates to sign on the card before giving it to your boss - an action that can be construed as trying to be a "Teacher's pet"? I thought it's supposed to be a universal thing? Or is it forbidden to send cards to boss? FYI, that card just cost a few cents!
My character had been assassinated by lab gossip. It's so preposterous, and funny, alas, with weight that can still kill. This is my first time being in a gossip and it's so strange and sad. FYI, I have never gossiped, as almost 80% of the content might be false... so, I'd rather learn first hand or know the person better before judging a person.
Oh ya, hope you guys can comment on this:
Is buying a Christmas card, then asking lab mates to sign on the card before giving it to your boss - an action that can be construed as trying to be a "Teacher's pet"? I thought it's supposed to be a universal thing? Or is it forbidden to send cards to boss? FYI, that card just cost a few cents!
Are you asking them to sign the card now, in October? That's a bit keen...
Kidding, I'm sure you're referring to a past incident, it's just a funny time of year to bring up a Christmas card.
In my lab we all buy a lab birthday present for each member, and also give a card signed by everyone in the lab, including the boss. This behaviour seems perfectly natural in our group, but would seem completely out of place in the lab next door where they aren't very close to their boss.
Of course no one would suggest that it is ever forbidden to give a card to your supervisor, I happen to think it's a very nice thing to do, but I think you have to keep in mind that each lab has a different dynamic, and also people have very different ideas of what the relationship should be between advisor and student. Some people want pure professionalism, some people think it should be a bit more friendly than that.
In general, don't worry about it, because if you really didn't do anything wrong and other people don't like it, that's their problem. The question is, do you think people are talking about more than just the card incident (which doesn't sound like such a big deal), are they just being petty because you are making an effort to be kind to the boss, or do they have more serious grievances?
Gossip is never nice, but it is a fact of life, especially in a close environment such as a lab. I've found that the only two ways to deal with it are to ignore it or face it.
Gossip that can be ignored:
I know that some people complain behind my back that I'm always getting after them about being messy, but I don't care. They leave their garbage lying around for other people to deal with, and it's not acceptable behaviour. If they think they have a right to complain when I tell them to clean up their own garbage instead of leaving it lying around for someone else to deal with, there's not a whole lot I can do. I'm not about to change my behaviour to accommodate their desire to be lazy and make life in the lab harder for everyone else. And you shouldn't feel a need to change your desire to do something nice for your boss just because other people think you're brown-nosing.
Gossip that should be dealt with:
It's hard to directly confront people about suspected gossip, but anything malicious and blatantly false should be addressed to make sure there is no serious damage done. There was a former colleague of mine who was having a hard time getting results and other people in the lab were accusing him of being lazy and a poor scientist because he didn't show up until about 11 am, and his project wasn't going well. The boss heard this often enough she started to believe it herself. The truth was, he normally worked until quite late at night, often through the weekend, and was doing quite a lot of experiments, but it was just a difficult project, and people didn't see him because he worked such odd hours. I think he didn't do much in terms of dealing with the labmates, but he made every effort to show the boss how much work he was doing, what experiments he had done, etc. etc. He ended up with at least the boss on his side, which is the important thing, although there were still mutterings in the lab.
Hope this helps.
Ginger
Thanks ginger,
I'm feeling much better now. I think I'm planning to ignore the gossip, it would be futile (if not awkward) to explain the gossip.
I came across a saying today, it's quite true in some instances, it goes: "When you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME". That kinda cheered me up. lol
Hey, I was like in your lab friend's situation in "Gossip that should be dealt with:". A friend who heard a gossip about me "being unproductive" tried to rescue me by saying that I do really work hard and late into the night. Unfortunately, the outcome of that rescue got me into another gossip lol. The gossip: "that person didn't get any results after some time, and though he worked late into night (so what?), it only goes to show how inefficient he really is". lol
I'm taking this positively, as I know many will just ignore the gossip once they are willing to get to know me better. Thanks again.
jealousy is one of the main reasons of gossiping. some people just can't control their jealousy and they ruin your life and their own lives. jealousy kills.
Jealousy...and lack of a life!!!! Grrrrr, hate lab gossip! 
That leads me to enjoy some late/odd working hours... that leads to gossips...yey! 