Scientific phrases - and their true meaning.... (Jun/21/2008 )
hey guys,
i didn't know whether to post this here or at the joke subforum. at the end i thought this was the best place, hope you find them useful in your everyday activities!
"It has long been known" - I didn't look up the original reference.
"A definite trend is evident" - These data are practically meaningless.
"While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions" - An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
"Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study" - The other results didn't make any sense.
"Typical results are shown" - This is the prettiest graph/The best results are shown/Data make up
"These results will be in a subsequent report" - I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/I don’t have fellowship!.
"In my experience" - Once.
"In case after case" - Twice.
"In a series of cases" - Thrice.
"It is believed that" - I think.
“Hmmmmm”- WTF!!!
"It is generally believed that" - A couple of others think so, too.
"Correct within an order of magnitude" - Wrong.
"According to statistical analysis" - Rumor has it/Data make up
"A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings" - A wild guess.
"A careful analysis of obtainable data" - Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass iced tea.
"It is clear that additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs" - I don't understand it/I need more grant money (slaves)/I can get at least one more paper out of this.
"After additional study by my colleagues" - They don't understand it either.
"We thank to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions" - Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
"A highly significant area for exploratory study" - A totally useless topic
"Accidentally stained during mounting" - Accidentally dropped on the floor.
"Presumably at longer times" - I didn't take the time to find out/Incomplete kinetics.
"The best values were those of Jones" - He was a student of mine.
"This paper will omit a review of the more recent literature in favor of..." - I don't know if anything has been written on this since my dissertation.
"Various authorities agree" - I overheard this in the hall.
"It is suggested that" - I wonder if...
"The implications are clear." - The implications are not clear (or I would have specified what they are).
"It was observed that" - One of my students noticed that…
"Of great theoretical and practical importance" - Of interest to me
"This research has left many questions unanswered." - I didn't find anything of significance.
"This finding has not yet been incorporated into current model" - Perhaps my next graduate student will make sense of it.
"It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field" - I quit.
actually, I've always suspected that!
1-2 pilots and just one sample. . .
"This is upcoming, exciting field of research" - I have submitted an RO1
"This has implications for human health worldwide" - I want to publicize my findings worldwide
"This will dramatically improve health in US in particular" - where is my greencard?
"We have earlier demonstrated that.." - I want the readership of my earlier paper to go to more than 1.
"We have earlier demonstrated that.." - Did our citation record just go up?
It was not me but someone else in the lab. Though I don't believe the results. . .
We are open to collaboration - Our grants are running out.
A bright PhD student in the lab - Going on 9th year..
A bright PhD student in the lab - Going on 9th year..
9 years in PhD
OMG.Does the student continue to get a scholarship?
true, true.... very much true....
hahahaha...
I LOVE THIS!!! LOL
Sad to say that many of these are spot on... 
there is so much truth in it since publication of papers became more relevant than real findings and knowledge...