Conflict between labmates - how should i solve it? (Nov/06/2007 )
My story is still worse...I am in this lab for last 2 years and all my colleagues (Seniors) were very nice to me. After finishing my first year one of my senior colleagues asked whether I could marry her. I gently rejected her offer since she was older than me as well as I already knew that it would really difficult to adjust with her. Everything was smooth till I got married after 6 months with another girl. Now my colleague is really angry to me. I can neglect her by thinking its her immaturity but she creates even problem in lab.
She started gossiping about me in lab and if I was talking to other colleagues in lab she is just coming and interrupting conversation and changing the conversation to their own language. (I am a foreigner). This is what makes me really worried. This stupid girl has became a head ache for me now....Problem is she is much senior than all of us and she is here in last 8 years (Stupid girl still fighting with PhD not a single paper in first author position) got good influence on others and good in talking as well.
Friends what to do??????
She started gossiping about me in lab and if I was talking to other colleagues in lab she is just coming and interrupting conversation and changing the conversation to their own language. (I am a foreigner). This is what makes me really worried. This stupid girl has became a head ache for me now....Problem is she is much senior than all of us and she is here in last 8 years (Stupid girl still fighting with PhD not a single paper in first author position) got good influence on others and good in talking as well.
Friends what to do??????
I think you may wish to work harder and complete your PhD as quick as possible... and leave.
why did she ask you to marry her?? were you dating/sleeping together??
Or is she a bit of a crazy??
I'm intrigued by your story 
sorry, hope I didn't cross the line with that last one??
She started gossiping about me in lab and if I was talking to other colleagues in lab she is just coming and interrupting conversation and changing the conversation to their own language. (I am a foreigner). This is what makes me really worried. This stupid girl has became a head ache for me now....Problem is she is much senior than all of us and she is here in last 8 years (Stupid girl still fighting with PhD not a single paper in first author position) got good influence on others and good in talking as well.
Friends what to do??????
I think you may wish to work harder and complete your PhD as quick as possible... and leave.
Ya I am also thinking the same........thank you
I am also asking the same question myself....couple of times we were together for few beers and movies. I was considering as an outing with one of my colleagues. That’s all. What I think is she already broke up with 3 guys and she is bit frustrated with her performance and also her age is growing up.
Or is she a bit of a crazy??
I'm intrigued by your story
I am also asking the same question myself....couple of times we were together for few beers and movies. I was considering as an outing with one of my colleagues. That’s all. What I think is she already broke up with 3 guys and she is bit frustrated with her performance and also her age is growing up.OK, a few beers and movies doesn't seem like a lead in to marriage.
My opinion as an old lab hag....She has most likely been dumped by at least 2 of the 3 guys she's split up with, is having severe esteem issues, and feeling very alone and sad.
Rather than face these issues and see them for what they are she is redirecting them as anger twords you. Have you tried being extra nice to her and if so, does it seems to make her meaner?
I am also asking the same question myself....couple of times we were together for few beers and movies. I was considering as an outing with one of my colleagues. That’s all. What I think is she already broke up with 3 guys and she is bit frustrated with her performance and also her age is growing up.OK, a few beers and movies doesn't seem like a lead in to marriage.
My opinion as an old lab hag....She has most likely been dumped by at least 2 of the 3 guys she's split up with, is having severe esteem issues, and feeling very alone and sad.
Rather than face these issues and see them for what they are she is redirecting them as anger twords you. Have you tried being extra nice to her and if so, does it seems to make her meaner?
Ya I think you judged her mentality right. After her proposal I really tried to give her much more moral support and she was responding positively to it. But everything turned up and down after my marriage and she some how did not cope up with that. Recently we had a lab party and she did not show the interest to join with us and I understood from another colleagues that its because me and my wife were there in trip. Even afterwards I tried to extend a supporting hand and she simply turned down all my efforts to talk to her saying that she is so busy with her work. I think because of her this character she is dumped by other guy's. Any way now I think there is not much I could do. I am just focusing on my work and my supervisor is really a nice lady and she is very much satisfied with my performance as well. Now I am concerned only about my supervisor's satisfaction and my career. What do you people think???
U said it right - just U, ur supervisor, and ur work. And at home.. U and ur wife.
But, what U have also is a heart that might not agree leaving the poor lady like that. We can do nothing about that. It's her and her fate. We don't know her destiny. Hope she finds someone who will be caring and who can understand her so that she also gets all the love one would deserve.
We appreciate the patience U have shown and how U have still been hanging on to help her live her life. Cheers!
All I can say is U have understood her feelings and if U can find some time outside lab and home, please do give her company. Christmas is nearby, so is new year . . get her a good treat. May be she and U and ur wife can go together for a beer and a movie. But, if U r not careful, it will make more mess. U and ur wife will have to act together and make her feel like both of U have love for her and U two need her more than she needs U two. Small things like whom U r talking to more (she or ur wife), where U seat when watching movie. . (better keep her between U and ur wife's seat). .will matter a lot. Do not show ur love for ur wife rightaway then. Girls sometimes explode. If are going to try that, just be careful. This will be do or die situation. U might have all the good intentions but she has a lonely mind and will misunderstand anything to everything. U have to have all the patience.
If U can't risk then let it be as it is. Just hope and pray. Things will be all right.
I hope DrChripy passes by this thread and says something. She will have some solution.
Good Luck. Thank U for caring for a friend so much.
Disclaimer : the author have had not good relation with anyone till date and has not intention for another few decades. All this is theoretical and author has not attempted animal trials yet because of threats from the rights groups.
Yeh Bunggalow Boy, I will have one more try (may be the last if the response is negative).......I will let you know the progress..
But, what U have also is a heart that might not agree leaving the poor lady like that. We can do nothing about that. It's her and her fate. We don't know her destiny. Hope she finds someone who will be caring and who can understand her so that she also gets all the love one would deserve.
We appreciate the patience U have shown and how U have still been hanging on to help her live her life. Cheers!
All I can say is U have understood her feelings and if U can find some time outside lab and home, please do give her company. Christmas is nearby, so is new year . . get her a good treat. May be she and U and ur wife can go together for a beer and a movie. But, if U r not careful, it will make more mess. U and ur wife will have to act together and make her feel like both of U have love for her and U two need her more than she needs U two. Small things like whom U r talking to more (she or ur wife), where U seat when watching movie. . (better keep her between U and ur wife's seat). .will matter a lot. Do not show ur love for ur wife rightaway then. Girls sometimes explode. If are going to try that, just be careful. This will be do or die situation. U might have all the good intentions but she has a lonely mind and will misunderstand anything to everything. U have to have all the patience.
If U can't risk then let it be as it is. Just hope and pray. Things will be all right.
I hope DrChripy passes by this thread and says something. She will have some solution.
Good Luck. Thank U for caring for a friend so much.
Disclaimer : the author have had not good relation with anyone till date and has not intention for another few decades. All this is theoretical and author has not attempted animal trials yet because of threats from the rights groups.