PhD +babies - (Oct/02/2007 )

Hi,

Just wondered what the general opinion is about doing a PhD and starting a family at the same time?
Would it be too difficult? would it be unfair to split your time between 2 things that are demanding (both emotionally and the time consuming)?

I once worked with a woman, which was pregnat with the second baby and giving birth just before her thesis defence. Her husband brought their kiddy to nursey school, every day. She complained, that the girl did not love her as much as her husband and that she did not see her daughter as much as she wantet. But she worked in a place more than 2 hours from their house and she had to travel by train every morning.
Personally, I think, that when you have the chance to get a baby at the right moment, with the chance for a nursey school, then do it. You can't stop living your wishes, only because you are doing a PhD. Of course it will be hard, but with a kind boss, it should no be a problem.

My wife and I decided to wait until after I finished my PhD to start a family--now we can't have kids of our own.

My advice: talk to your PI. If he/she is understanding and willing to make allowances, good for you. If he/she isn't understanding, find a new PI. Unless you're in your early 20's, don't put it off.

If you're a woman grad student/post doc in the US, there is a program that will pay for a tech's salary, so there's somebody to pick up whatever slack is caused by your caring for your infant. You could look into that.

I agree with all the above but there are a few things that only someone with experience can point out. I am towards the end of my PhD now and I had a kid in the beginning of it. My daughter is now two years old. My Boss was and is super supportive. So now it boils down to what kind of job your partner has. Will he have enough time to share responsibilities with you? Do you have other family around?
I dont and I am so burnt out by it all, that I had to seek counselling.
I am not trying to scare you but I urge you to do a lot of soul searching and a lot of reality checks with your partner before you decide. It is a not just a lot of extra work but a major lifestyle change too, which is all the more harder when you do not have the leverage to leave your work behind at work, it always follows you home in your head.

In whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

it's better if u want to have a new baby to have rest and leave the lab for a while...at the first weeks at least !
may your parents/relatives can help taking care of your baby while you're busy !

Hello,
I´ve had my baby just before I started my phD because I did not want to be an old mum. I am still happy that I made that choice but I do have to live with the consequences everyday.
I went abroad to do my PhD so my husband and I have no family closeby to help. Especially with a young child, help from family members would be very welcome. I have to divide my time between my work, myself, my husband and my child now and it is very hard! It would really make a big difference if I had more time to read for my PhD but when I am in the lab, I work and when I am at home, I´m either too busy with my child or too tired to feel like reading scientifical articles/books. I know also that my relationship with my husband would be better if I wasn´t so busy. So with all this, sometimes I really doubt if I will be able to finish my PhD properly and if it would not have been smarter to go do something a lot easier than a PhD or wait a few years to do a PhD... It can be really tough!
First you should decide what your priorities are and then make plans that seem doable.
Hope this helps!

Thanks for the advice, it is a difficult situation. I am not in my early 20's anymore and my husband is quite a bit older- when we met I had not yet decieded to start PhD, and a family was one of our prioities. But now nearing the end of Phd and not sure i want to wait any longer (plus maternity allowance is very well funded). I have both my family and husbands family very close, (once i start post-doc this is unlikley to be the case).

But... we are not sure that it is a good idea, as children change everything in your life.
very hard to decide

i think to start a family aft graduate is better... not much burden. to be fair to you, your study and your baby too.
i have a friend who is now pregnant with the 3rd child. sometimes, she is feeling unwell and had some difficulties doing work in lab.
another friend of mine having a family, but doing phD with scolarship. but tron apart between family, study and maney too. she can't do part time job as the term and condition of her scholarship, but not enough money as the husband work alone to support who;e family. Now, she finish the scholarship, but still haven't finish her project. in the end, she need to work some where and struggle between work and research. come lab late at night, but neglect the family. Her mother-in-law is quite unhappy as she always hot home to take care of her husband and kids...

It's never the right time.
During PhD studies, you feel that you have first to finish it, however after you need to find a post-doc, not the right time. Then you start a post-doc, you need to show that you are hard working, not the right time. then, you have worked hard for several months, your supervisor is very happy, but your contract has to be renewed, not the right time ... and so on.
the only question is : is it possible now?
do you want to have a child? it will change your life, you know it. It will be the same problem today or tomorrow.
Right now you have your family around, you have maternity allowance... all this seems very good.
my parents and parents in law are far away. I missed them when my son was born.
Your supervisor might be unhappy. Do you care? You did a good job until now. He will forget his unhappiness when you will come back after maternity holydays.
So, maybe it's the less worse time to have a baby?

This is a very interesting topic for me. I'm now a PhD student for 2 years and I still have 2 to go. First I really wanted to wait untill I was finished, but not anymore. When I think of it, it is never the right time. Once you are a Post-doc, more and more people will rely on you and you'll feel guilty. Plus problems with contracts and so on. Maybe it is the right time now, I'm my own boss (well...) I don't have to supervise people now. The only thing is that I never heard of anybody here about a PhD student who was pregnant, it is scary to be the first. I still don't know .....