19 replies to this topic

[rkay447]

You really need to tell him what this is doing to you.  Tell him how much pressure you are under and how this is just dragging you down.  Tell him that you need him and his help to make it through.  You shouldn't do this in an accusing, guilt-tripping manner but a matter of fact, plea for help.  If he truly loves you, he'll see that you can not continue like this and should be willing to be more helpful.  If, after you tell him how hard this whole situation is for you and how much you need his help, he does not change at all, he doesn't love you the way he should.  It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but just that he's not willing to treat you and the relationship properly.  You two are supposed to be a team.  The two of you against the rest of the world.  Once it becomes you against him and the entire world, the team is gone and you are best cutting your losses.  Not an easy thing to hear and much harder to do but if your partner isn't willing to help you in a time of need, what good is he really???  He's just become a drain and will pull you down until there is nothing left.  In a relationship, you will only be treated as well as you demand to be treated.  If you let him walk all over you without consequences, he'll wallk all over you.  I'm so sorry for your situation.  I know it's so difficult but you must talk with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling.  This situation is completely unfair to you and simply unacceptable anymore.  Something has to give and change, the question is just what's going to give and where is the change going to occur?  Seems like up to this point it's been all about him, what about you?  You have a right to demand certain expectations and assistance from him.  Unfortunantly this is going to be a huge, potentially relationship-breaking conversation but it's time for you to see the true colors of this man and see what he is like under pressure and when confronted with his own faults.  This is the true test for anyone.

p.s. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT miss anymore work because of this guy!!!  If you loose your job, the situation will just have become a million times worse!!!  A clean house just isn't worth the risk of loosing your job.

Edited by rkay447, 03 March 2009 - 05:28 AM.

[Kami23]

rkay447, on Mar 3 2009, 01:21 PM, said:

You really need to tell him what this is doing to you.  Tell him how much pressure you are under and how this is just dragging you down.  Tell him that you need him and his help to make it through.  You shouldn't do this in an accusing, guilt-tripping manner but a matter of fact, plea for help.  If he truly loves you, he'll see that you can not continue like this and should be willing to be more helpful.  If, after you tell him how hard this whole situation is for you and how much you need his help, he does not change at all, he doesn't love you the way he should.  It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but just that he's not willing to treat you and the relationship properly.  You two are supposed to be a team.  The two of you against the rest of the world.  Once it becomes you against him and the entire world, the team is gone and you are best cutting your losses.  Not an easy thing to hear and much harder to do but if your partner isn't willing to help you in a time of need, what good is he really???  He's just become a drain and will pull you down until there is nothing left.  In a relationship, you will only be treated as well as you demand to be treated.  If you let him walk all over you without consequences, he'll wallk all over you.  I'm so sorry for your situation.  I know it's so difficult but you must talk with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling.  This situation is completely unfair to you and simply unacceptable anymore.  Something has to give and change, the question is just what's going to give and where is the change going to occur?  Seems like up to this point it's been all about him, what about you?  You have a right to demand certain expectations and assistance from him.  Unfortunantly this is going to be a huge, potentially relationship-breaking conversation but it's time for you to see the true colors of this man and see what he is like under pressure and when confronted with his own faults.  This is the true test for anyone.

p.s. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT miss anymore work because of this guy!!!  If you loose your job, the situation will just have become a million times worse!!!  A clean house just isn't worth the risk of loosing your job.

Thanks everyone.  Tonight Im going to sit him down and have 'the big talk'.  Its not fair that hes putting all this pressure on me after its been such a struggle for me to get here in the first place.  Wish me luck!

[Doki]

Kami23, on Mar 4 2009, 10:56 PM, said:

rkay447, on Mar 3 2009, 01:21 PM, said:

You really need to tell him what this is doing to you.  Tell him how much pressure you are under and how this is just dragging you down.  Tell him that you need him and his help to make it through.  You shouldn't do this in an accusing, guilt-tripping manner but a matter of fact, plea for help.  If he truly loves you, he'll see that you can not continue like this and should be willing to be more helpful.  If, after you tell him how hard this whole situation is for you and how much you need his help, he does not change at all, he doesn't love you the way he should.  It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but just that he's not willing to treat you and the relationship properly.  You two are supposed to be a team.  The two of you against the rest of the world.  Once it becomes you against him and the entire world, the team is gone and you are best cutting your losses.  Not an easy thing to hear and much harder to do but if your partner isn't willing to help you in a time of need, what good is he really???  He's just become a drain and will pull you down until there is nothing left.  In a relationship, you will only be treated as well as you demand to be treated.  If you let him walk all over you without consequences, he'll wallk all over you.  I'm so sorry for your situation.  I know it's so difficult but you must talk with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling.  This situation is completely unfair to you and simply unacceptable anymore.  Something has to give and change, the question is just what's going to give and where is the change going to occur?  Seems like up to this point it's been all about him, what about you?  You have a right to demand certain expectations and assistance from him.  Unfortunantly this is going to be a huge, potentially relationship-breaking conversation but it's time for you to see the true colors of this man and see what he is like under pressure and when confronted with his own faults.  This is the true test for anyone.

p.s. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT miss anymore work because of this guy!!!  If you loose your job, the situation will just have become a million times worse!!!  A clean house just isn't worth the risk of loosing your job.

Thanks everyone.  Tonight Im going to sit him down and have 'the big talk'.  Its not fair that hes putting all this pressure on me after its been such a struggle for me to get here in the first place.  Wish me luck!

Not an expert in relationship nor have I been able to be committed to any kind yet because of my extreme anti-social attitudes. But, isn't it better to go for a walk and talk lightly than sit him down with frustrated mind?

[Clare]

[/quote]

He just gets huffy and hes like 'why do i have to do it?' etc.  Its affecting my work too because I feel bad about leaving him in the house alone so i skip random days to help him/do housework.
[/quote]

ARG!!!! Leave him! You deserve to be treated better than that!!!!!!!!!!!

Clare

[lsek]

We don't really know him well. By mere description here and my understanding, he's a pathetic guy. Anyway, you understand him better than us. So, just ask yourself if he's really helpless with the current situation or just too darn lazy, and would rather live a parasitic relationship with you.

If it's the former, give him support, but don't spoil him. Go through with the job hunt together. Then, you'll understand what type of person he is when it comes to choosing a job. If he aims high, that's a good thing, but if he's unrealistic with the aim, guide him back to reality. Constantly remind him that rejection is good. More rejections denotes that he has poured so much effort to it and deserve commendation from you. Remind him that where there's determination, there will be windows of opportunity. Also, consider the rejections as lessons to learn and upgrade from there...

Let us just hope and pray for you that he's not the latter

No matter how it goes, you've got a point from me as "the best gf a guy can get"