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I think, therefore, I joke


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#46 Doki

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 06:45 AM

before finding this in the net, I read this in my forensic book . . humor section.
Simple living, highnot thinking

#47 hobglobin

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Posted 14 August 2009 - 09:12 AM

before finding this in the net, I read this in my forensic book . . humor section.

Wikipedia helped as ever: in the film "Magnolia" they used it (and several serials), I saw it once, though cannot really remember this film :)

Speaking of forensics:

Posted Image

Edited by hobglobin, 14 August 2009 - 09:14 AM.

One must presume that long and short arguments contribute to the same end. - Epicurus
...except casandra's that belong to the funniest, most interesting and imaginative (or over-imaginative?) ones, I suppose.

#48 Doki

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 05:03 AM

they make movie of everything.. . . why don't they make movies instead of publishing the papers? Would be so much better.

Phiolosophy . .

You're Canadian if:
You know how to pronounce and spell Saskatchewan without blinking
You put on shorts as soon as it hits plus 10, even if there is still snow around
You know what a tuque (toque?) is
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway
You drive on a highway, not a freeway
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
You drink pop, not soda
You love your fries with poutine
You go to the washroom, not the restroom or bathroom
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
"Eh" is a very important part of your vocabulary and you understand all the 1,000 different meanings of "eh", eh?


more here :

1. Law of Mechanical Repair
After your hands become coated with grease,
your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
•2. Law of Gravity
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
• 3. Law of Probability
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
•4. Law of Random Numbers
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
•5. Law of the Alibi
If you tell the boss you're late for work because you had a flat tire,
the next morning you will have a flat tire.
• 6. Variation Law
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
• 7. Law of the Bath
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring.
(Thisalso rings true of sitting on the can)
•8. Law of Close Encounters
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
• 9. Law ofthe Result
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
•10. Law of Biomechanics
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
•11. Law of the Theater
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
•12. The Starbucks Law
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do
something which will last until the coffee is cold.
• 13. Murphy's Law of Lockers
If there are only 2 people in a locker room, they'll have adjacent lockers.
•14. Law of Physical Surfaces
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering
are directly correlated to the newness and cost of thecarpet/rug.
•15. Law of Logical Argument
Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
•16. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance
If the clothes fit, they're ugly.
• 17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking
A closed mouth gathers no feet
.• 18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
• 19. Doctors' Law
If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor,
by the time you get there you'll feel better.
Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. ain't it the truth !!! :)
Simple living, highnot thinking

#49 casandra

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 11:38 AM

they make movie of everything.. . . why don't they make movies instead of publishing the papers? Would be so much better.

Phiolosophy . .

You're Canadian if:
You know how to pronounce and spell Saskatchewan without blinking
You put on shorts as soon as it hits plus 10, even if there is still snow around
You know what a tuque (toque?) is
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway
You drive on a highway, not a freeway
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my poutine."
You drink pop, not soda
You love your fries with poutine
You go to the washroom, not the restroom or bathroom
Someone accidently stepped on your foot. You apologize.
You stepped on someone's foot. You apologize, then apologize for making them apologize
You have worn shorts and a parka at the same time
"Eh" is a very important part of your vocabulary and you understand all the 1,000 different meanings of "eh", eh?

thanks BB for reminding me that I am not soo Canadian.....what's that word again....Sa..se..si..Sze...chuan....isn't that a province in China where they eat spicy foods?
And when the temperature climbs up to 0 degree, I never say "It's pretty nice and warm today, EH?" And I don't like Hockey......and I never apologise esp if I step on another's foot intentionally....and I don't munch timbits....nor drink beer.....nah....and the only screwdriver I know is the one I can drink....and I seldom watch american TV.....such a failure for a canadian, eh.....:)....:)....
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#50 hobglobin

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 11:45 AM

thanks BB for reminding me that I am not soo Canadian.....what's that word again....Sa..se..si..Sze...chuan....isn't that a province in China where they eat spicy foods?
And when the temperature climbs up to 0 degree, I never say "It's pretty nice and warm today, EH?" And I don't like Hockey......and I never apologise esp if I step on another's foot intentionally....and I don't munch timbits....nor drink beer.....nah....and the only screwdriver I know is the one I can drink....and I seldom watch american TV.....such a failure for a canadian, eh.....:(....:)....


Inner examination is the first step towards self improvement, eh... :)

Nabin those laws aren't it all special cases of Murphy's law? Though it's funny :D

And those freeways are Motorways IMO....
One must presume that long and short arguments contribute to the same end. - Epicurus
...except casandra's that belong to the funniest, most interesting and imaginative (or over-imaginative?) ones, I suppose.

#51 casandra

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 11:53 AM

thanks BB for reminding me that I am not soo Canadian.....what's that word again....Sa..se..si..Sze...chuan....isn't that a province in China where they eat spicy foods?
And when the temperature climbs up to 0 degree, I never say "It's pretty nice and warm today, EH?" And I don't like Hockey......and I never apologise esp if I step on another's foot intentionally....and I don't munch timbits....nor drink beer.....nah....and the only screwdriver I know is the one I can drink....and I seldom watch american TV.....such a failure for a canadian, eh.....:(....:lol:....


Inner examination is the first step towards self improvement, eh... :lol:

Nabin those laws aren't it all special cases of Murphy's law? Though it's funny :D

And those freeways are Motorways IMO....

nope, they're definitely highways..I had to consult my canadian english dictionary for that....and we call 'em washrooms? :o ..I always ask for W.C., no wonder, the look I get....and dr H, you should follow your own advice....:lol:...
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#52 Doki

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 04:34 PM

Ohio, Casandra. May be you can practice to become a Canadian then :lol: Whoever made this must not have come across you or would have added a list of exceptions. It must be this guy's research subject for some degree.

Hob, I thought so too.. they are all derived from the Murphy's Law. Don't we also do the same? One makes some high impact paper and there will be bunch reporting similar results in other journals. :lol: same . . same. . exactly the same. .
Simple living, highnot thinking

#53 swanny

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Posted 18 August 2009 - 08:10 PM

thanks BB for reminding me that I am not soo Canadian.....what's that word again....Sa..se..si..Sze...chuan....isn't that a province in China where they eat spicy foods?
And when the temperature climbs up to 0 degree, I never say "It's pretty nice and warm today, EH?" And I don't like Hockey......and I never apologise esp if I step on another's foot intentionally....and I don't munch timbits....nor drink beer.....nah....and the only screwdriver I know is the one I can drink....and I seldom watch american TV.....such a failure for a canadian, eh.....:(....:lol:....


Inner examination is the first step towards self improvement, eh... :lol:

Nabin those laws aren't it all special cases of Murphy's law? Though it's funny :D

And those freeways are Motorways IMO....

nope, they're definitely highways..I had to consult my canadian english dictionary for that....and we call 'em washrooms? :o ..I always ask for W.C., no wonder, the look I get....and dr H, you should follow your own advice....:lol:...

A Canadian English dictionary, eh? Does that mean you're really an English rose in Canada?

A corollary of Murphy's Law for the lab:

Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.
Heart disease kills more women than breast cancer, but heart attack symptoms differ from men's symptoms. Get to know your heart... it could save your life.

#54 Doki

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Posted 19 August 2009 - 05:48 PM

and this kid grew up to be one of the most famous physicists.. . .

"Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer."

One student replied: "You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building."

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics.

To resolve the problem, it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn't make up his mind which to use.

On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

"Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H =0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer."

"Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper's shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work out the height of the skyscraper."

"But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi square root (l / g)."

"Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up."

"If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building."

"But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor's door and say to him 'If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper'."

He then received credit for the class.
Simple living, highnot thinking

#55 Roseladay123

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Posted 20 August 2009 - 05:25 PM

Frankly to say, I like where this thread is very interesting to discuss.



comparatif simulation assurance vie multisupport - simulation assurance vie ! Les sites de simulation assurance viecomparatif simulation assurance vie multisupport

#56 casandra

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Posted 03 October 2009 - 08:28 PM

ok....this is pilfered from one of the philosophy forums in the big wide web (and some of the "activities" might even be applicable to scientists and researchers :)):

"Physical exercise is good for you. Did you know that philosophers do it daily?

These Philosophical activities are guaranteed to be non-aerobic yet strenuous. but my body doesn’t want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise.


Philosophy Exercises That Gets You In Shape:

* Beating around the bush
* Jumping to conclusions
* Climbing the walls
* Swallowing pride
* Passing the buck
* Throwing one's weight around
* Dragging one's heels
* Pushing one's luck
* Making Mountains out of molehills
* Hitting the nail on the head
* Wading through paperwork
* Bending over backwards
* Jumping on the bandwagon
* Balancing the books
* Running around in circles
* Eating crow
* Tooting one's own horn
* Climbing the ladder of success
* Pulling out the stops
* Adding fuel to the fire
* Opening a can of worms
* Putting one's foot in one's mouth
* Starting the ball rolling
* Going over the edge"


:D
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#57 casandra

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Posted 05 October 2009 - 07:18 PM

Marital Bliss



My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.

She said, 'I want something shiny & sleek that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.... so, I took her to

a gas station.

And then the fight started...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.

The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age.

I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.

I told the woman that I w as very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.

She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security

application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability, too.'

And then the fight started...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she started drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't

been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""

Nah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

------------ --------- --------- ---

:P


by Magnet Man of some philosophy forums
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#58 swanny

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Posted 06 October 2009 - 10:18 PM

:( :lol: :lol:
Heart disease kills more women than breast cancer, but heart attack symptoms differ from men's symptoms. Get to know your heart... it could save your life.

#59 Prep!

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Posted 27 October 2009 - 01:33 AM

was having a frustrating day... and this made my day...!!!
Thanx a ton!!!
:)
Support bacteria - They are the only culture some people have!!!
Cheers!!!

#60 casandra

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Posted 27 October 2009 - 07:10 PM

:P........hope your day got better and welcome to bioforum Pradeep.......



The Philosophy of Stereotyping (this is politically incorrect so please don't try this at home.......)



Stereotypical differences between Aussies, Brits, Americans and Canadians.


Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad.
Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians when abroad.
Brits: Can't possibly be mistaken for anyone else when abroad.


Canadians: Endure bitterly cold winters and are proud of it.
Brits: Endure oppressively wet and dreary winters and are proud of it.
Americans: Don't have to do either, and couldn't care less.
Aussies: Don't understand what inclement weather means.


Americans: Drink weak, pissy-tasting beer.
Canadians: Drink strong, pissy-tasting beer.
Brits: Drink warm, beery-tasting piss.
Aussies: Drink anything with alcohol in it.


Americans: Seem to think that poverty and failure are morally suspect.
Canadians: Seem to believe that wealth and success are morally suspect.
Brits: Seem to believe that wealth, poverty, success, and failure are inherited.
Aussies: Seem to think that none of this matters after several beers.


Brits: Have produced many great comedians, celebrated by Canadians and Australians, ignored by Americans, and are therefore not rich.
Aussies: Have produced comedians like Paul Hogan and Dame Edna Everidge.
Canadians: Have produced many great comedians such as John Candy, Martin Short, Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, and all the rest at SCTV.
Americans: Think that these people are American!


Americans: Spend most of their lives glued to the idiot box.
Canadians: Don't, but only because they can't get more American channels.
Brits: Pay a tax just so they can watch 4 channels.
Aussies: Export all their crappy programs, which no one there watches, to Britain, where everybody loves them.


Americans: Will jabber on incessantly about football, baseball and basketball.
Brits: Will jabber on incessantly about cricket, soccer and rugby.
Canadians: Will jabber on incessantly about hockey, hockey, hockey, and how they beat the Americans twice, playing baseball.
Aussies: Will jabber on incessantly about how they beat the Poms in every sport they played them in.


Aussies: Are extremely patriotic about their beer.
Americans: Are flag-waving, anthem-singing, and obsessively patriotic to the point of blindness.
Canadians: Can't agree on the words to their anthem, in either language, when they can be bothered to sing them.
Brits: Do not sing at all but prefer a large brass band to perform the anthem.


Brits: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their past citizens.
Americans: Are justifiably proud of the accomplishments of their present citizens.
Canadians: Prattle on about how some of those great Americans were once Canadian.
Aussies: Waffle on about how some of their past citizens were once Outlaw Pommies, but none of that matters after several beers.



ripped from the same aussie website...in the lab joke subforum....:D....
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......




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