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I think, therefore, I joke


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#16 casandra

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 11:50 AM

this list is a bit old but what the heck..... :D




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Top 10 Philosophy Questions of All Time, Answered!

10. How do I know anything really exists?
Kick it *really* hard.

9. What is the essence of being human?
Not understanding the opposite sex.

8. If a tree falls in the forest, and thereís no one there to hear it, does it make a sound?
Not if it lands on a bunch of pillows.

7. How do I know Iím not just a brain in a vat, hooked up to a computer simulation of life?
Look in the mirror. If you see a gray, spongy thing in a glass container, you are.

6. Can our minds exist seperately from our bodies?
If they could, weíd just send our minds to class and sleep in every morning.

5. Is there a God?
A billion Hindus canít be wrong.

4. What is the nature of Knowledge?
Iím still trying to figure out the nature of *college*.

3. What is the meaning of life?
All evidence to date suggests itís chocolate.

2. Why get a Philosophy degree?
Itís more respectable than a theater degree, but you still get to drink lots of espresso.

1. So, was Kant on drugs or what?
Probably.


I got all dem answers right the first time.... :D
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#17 Doki

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Posted 13 May 2009 - 09:25 PM

I got all dem answers right the first time.... :D

kidding, right?
Simple living, highnot thinking

#18 casandra

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 04:19 PM

I got all dem answers right the first time.... :D

kidding, right?

BB, you know I never kid.....I am the soul of serious-mindedness even to the point of staidness...... and just to prove this point, shall we do another round of "why did the chicken cross the road?" :angry:


Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down the trees.

Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on, but it was moving very fast.

Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road cross the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Douglas Adams: Forty-two.

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Captain Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Dr. Seuss: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!

Sisyphus: Was it pushing a rock, too?

Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I'll find out.

Voltaire: I may not agree with what the chicken did, but I will defend to the death its right to do it.

Michel Foucault: It did so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no choice; the police state was oppressing it.

Newton: Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion tend to cross the road.

Colonel Sanders: I missed one?

Bioforum: cos it's looking for some nice , yummy RSS feed...

:D
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#19 Doki

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 04:42 PM

chicken crossing road is an easy one. That, even I can do.

Casandra : To join the Radio Bioforum group @ Last.fm.

TJ : Was there a bar on the other side?

Hamada : Please give me the pubmed link.

Minnie : Pluto must have chased it away.

Cellcounter : please search with the key-words 'chicken', 'road', 'cross' on valdo.com and read up the 4th item from search page 3. Good luck!

etc, etc
Simple living, highnot thinking

#20 casandra

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 07:34 PM

oooppss..forgot the latest ones:



Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#21 hobglobin

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Posted 14 May 2009 - 11:43 PM

oooppss..forgot the latest ones:



Barack Obama: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

Dick Cheney: Where's my gun?


and don't forget:

Nabi: ...because there is a weird news headline I've to read.
One must presume that long and short arguments contribute to the same end. - Epicurus
...except casandra's that belong to the funniest, most interesting and imaginative (or over-imaginative?) ones, I suppose.

#22 Penguin

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Posted 15 May 2009 - 04:47 AM

Yay, chicken jokes ....

Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

Richard Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

Groucho Marx: Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Karl Marx: To escape the bourgeois middle-class struggle.

Jack Nicholson: 'Cause it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored) reason.

Ronald Reagan: I forget.

Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.

Othello: Jealousy.

Oscar Wilde: Why, indeed? One's social engagements whilst in town ought never expose one to such barbarous inconvenience - although, perhaps, if one must cross a road, one may do far worse than to cross it as the chicken in question.

And from Wikipedia:

"Why did the chicken cross the playground?" "To get to the other slide."
"Why did the chewing gum cross the road?" "Because it was stuck to the chicken's feet."
"Why did the taxicab cross the road?" "Because the chicken paid the fare."

Ha ha ha

Edited by Penguin, 15 May 2009 - 04:47 AM.


#23 casandra

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Posted 16 May 2009 - 01:59 PM

Penguin: 'Cos it can't wear a tux and waddle thru it.... :(



now back to more philo humour:


Two freshman philosophy students see the following bulletin posted on the wall of their lecture hall:

Crash Course in Logical Assumptions
Saturday, September 26, 1998, All Day


Neither of them knows what it means and they are both curious. The pair decide to find the professor and ask some questions. When they locate the professor's office, the bolder of the two enter the building while the other remains outside.
Student: "Uh...Sir..What does Crash Course in Logical Assumptions mean?"
Professor: "Well, it involves taking information that you have, forming assumptions using logic, and then creating new information. Let me try to answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
Student: "Uh...Yes, I do."

Professor: "Well, then I can now logically assume that you drive."
Student: "Yes, I drive. "

Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you drive on weekends."
Student: "Yeah, I drive on weekends, I go out on dates."

Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you have date partners."
Student: "Well, yes, I have a girlfriend."

Professor: "Then I can logically assume that you are heterosexual."
Student: "Uh...hell yes! OK, I think I understand what this course is about now. Thanks a lot for your time."

Once back outside, his friend asks him: "So, what's it all about?"
"Its about using information and stuff...Let me answer your question by asking you a question. Do you own a car?"
"No."
"Uh...Then you're homosexual, dude!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and to celebrate the weekend:



The Philosophers' Drinking Song


Immanuel Kant was a real pissant
Who was very rarely stable.

Heidegger, Heidegger was a boozy beggar
Who could drink you under the table.

David Hume could out-consume
Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel, [some versions have 'Schopenhauer and Hegel']

And Wittgenstein was a beery swine
Who was just as schloshed as Schlegel.

There's nothing Nietzsche couldn't teach ya
'Bout the raising of the wrist.
Socrates, himself, was permanently pissed.

John Stuart Mill, of his own free will,
On half a pint of shandy was particularly ill.

Plato, they say, could stick it away--
Half a crate of whisky every day.

Aristotle, Aristotle was a bugger for the bottle.
Hobbes was fond of his dram,

And Renť Descartes was a drunken fart.
'I drink, therefore I am.'

Yes, Socrates, himself, is particularly missed,
A lovely little thinker,
But a bugger when he's pissed.

Edited by casandra, 16 May 2009 - 02:01 PM.

"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#24 gfischer

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Posted 18 May 2009 - 09:31 AM

Points To Ponder

HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?
________________________________________


WHY DO YOU HAVE TO "PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN"... BUT IT'S ONLY A "PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS"? WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING TO?
________________________________________


WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX?
________________________________________


WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?
________________________________________


HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED
OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?
________________________________________


WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY" WHEN BABIES WAKE
UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?
________________________________________


IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?
________________________________________

WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?
________________________________________


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
________________________________________


WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE?
THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.
________________________________________


WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?
________________________________________


WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO
A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT?
________________________________________


IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A
STUPID SONG ABOUT HIM?
________________________________________


CAN A HEARSE CARRYING A CORPSE DRIVE IN THE CARPOOL LANE ?
________________________________________


IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A
COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?
________________________________________


WHY DOES GOOFY STAND ERECT WHILE PLUTO REMAINS ON ALL FOURS?
THEY'RE BOTH DOGS!
________________________________________


IF WILE E. COYOTE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ALL THAT ACME CRAP,
WHY DIDN'T HE JUST BUY DINNER?
________________________________________


IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES,
WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?
________________________________________


IF ELECTRICITY COMES FROM ELECTRONS, DOES MORALITY COME FROM MORONS?
________________________________________


DO THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR HAVE THE SAME TUNE?
________________________________________


WHY DID YOU JUST TRY SINGING THE TWO SONGS ABOVE?
________________________________________



DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU BLOW IN A DOG'S FACE, HE GETS MAD AT YOU,
BUT WHEN YOU TAKE HIM FOR A CAR RIDE, HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW?
Above all things, if kindness is your king,
then heaven will be yours, before you meet your end

#25 jiajia1987

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Posted 20 May 2009 - 11:23 PM

This is a good one!!! :) :) :P

Points To Ponder

HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?
________________________________________


WHY DO YOU HAVE TO "PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN"... BUT IT'S ONLY A "PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS"? WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING TO?
________________________________________


WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX?
________________________________________


WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?
________________________________________


HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED
OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?
________________________________________


WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY" WHEN BABIES WAKE
UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?
________________________________________


IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?
________________________________________

WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?
________________________________________


Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put
money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
________________________________________


WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE?
THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.
________________________________________


WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?
________________________________________


WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO
A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT?
________________________________________


IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A
STUPID SONG ABOUT HIM?
________________________________________


CAN A HEARSE CARRYING A CORPSE DRIVE IN THE CARPOOL LANE ?
________________________________________


IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A
COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?
________________________________________


WHY DOES GOOFY STAND ERECT WHILE PLUTO REMAINS ON ALL FOURS?
THEY'RE BOTH DOGS!
________________________________________


IF WILE E. COYOTE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ALL THAT ACME CRAP,
WHY DIDN'T HE JUST BUY DINNER?
________________________________________


IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES,
WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?
________________________________________


IF ELECTRICITY COMES FROM ELECTRONS, DOES MORALITY COME FROM MORONS?
________________________________________


DO THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR HAVE THE SAME TUNE?
________________________________________


WHY DID YOU JUST TRY SINGING THE TWO SONGS ABOVE?
________________________________________



DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU BLOW IN A DOG'S FACE, HE GETS MAD AT YOU,
BUT WHEN YOU TAKE HIM FOR A CAR RIDE, HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW?



#26 batman009

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Posted 04 June 2009 - 04:54 AM

wonderful! thanks for the info..

simulation assurance vie



#27 sonbob

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Posted 05 June 2009 - 12:14 AM

Hi all, I am a new member of forum :o

fiscalite assurance vie

Edited by sonbob, 05 June 2009 - 12:15 AM.


#28 casandra

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Posted 05 June 2009 - 12:29 PM

Hi all, I am a new member of forum :D

fiscalite assurance vie

Welcome to the forum, sonbob....do you have any philosophical jokes to share with us...this subforum needs new life...:lol:...
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#29 casandra

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Posted 05 June 2009 - 01:29 PM

I posted the lyrics before but this one's a lot funnier:


check this out: Monty Python's philosophers' drinking song
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#30 Doki

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Posted 01 July 2009 - 09:21 PM

How many archaeologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Are you kidding?! Why would we let them do that?! The broken bulb is a national treasure, pointing to our rich, rich history and culture. No, we would rather build a shrine there, and charge admission to see the 'ancient luminosity device'...hmmm, maybe we could even sell little figurines...

How many astronomers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, they wouldn't change it because it ruins their night vision.

How many fractal mathematicians does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but, good grief! I let him into the house to start working on the bulb, and by the time I got back later that day, the single 110V bulb had changed into a 6 level chandelier, with each level a smaller replica of the previous level...my energy bills are going to kill me!

How many Quantum physicists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Depends on the room size--you need to fill the room first with blind-folded scientists. Then, upon a signal, they all remove the blindfolds and look toward the general area of the 'old' bulb. Then, when the waveform collapses, whoever is CLOSEST to the newly 'congealed' bulb, grabs it, and WITHOUT blinking, makes the change. Also, this procedure MAY required one additional physicist to remove a dead cat from the room

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but only if the light bulb really wants to change.

How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but it takes ten years.
Simple living, highnot thinking




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