Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log in with Windows Live Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Submit your paper to J Biol Methods today!
Photo
- - - - -

how many to put in a light bulb


  • Please log in to reply
No replies to this topic

#1 mdfenko

mdfenko

    an elder

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 2,746 posts
128
Excellent

Posted 26 January 2009 - 10:39 AM

How many scientists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They use them as controls in double blind trials.

- mathematicians:
None. It's left to the reader as an exercise.

- according to Boole:
0 or 1

- according to Mandelbrot:
It depends how many butterflies are flapping their wings in China.

- theoretical physicist:
Eleven. One does the job, ten join as co-authors.

- nuclear engineers:
One to install the bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old bulb for the next ten thousand years.

- according to Heisenberg:
It is not possible. Once you hold the bulb to avoid its movement, you lose the information about the place where it is.

- astronomers:
There is no need to change the bulb. Astronomers prefer darkness.

- radioastronomers:
They are not interested in this range of wavelength.

- according to Einstein:
Two. One to hold the bulb, the other one to turn the Universe.

- statisticians:
One, give or take two. (it depends on the size of the bulb)

- Microsoft engineers:
None, they just define darkness as an industry standard.

- Apple engineers:
Seven. One to change the bulb, six to design T-shirts and new gadgets.

- programmers:
None - that's a hardware problem.

- NASA engineers:
Seventy seven. First of all, they need a week in advance to plan the Bulb Replacement operation. Once they are ready, the weather is bad and they have to postpone the mission for a next week. The Bulb costs $3 000 000

- aerospace engineers
None. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, you know.

- according to Freud:
Two. One to change the bulb, and one to hold the penis ... I mean the ladder!

Freudian Analysts:
Two. One to change the light bulb, and one to hold the breasts, I mean ladder.

- Russian military scientist:
It's Top Secret.

- archeologists:
Three. One to change the bulb, two to discuss how long the old one was hanging there.

- darwinists:
One, but it takes 8 milion years.

- psychologists:
Do you want to talk about this?

- research technicians:
One, but it'll probably take him/her three or four tries to get it right.

- post-doctoral fellows:
One, but it'll probably take three or four tries to get it right because he/she will probably give it to the technician to do.

Undergraduate:
None "Bright light - hurts... must go back to bed".

Postgraduate:
Funding for a new light bulb ran out 6 months ago - will have to borrow their parents'.

Senior researchers:
Five. One to change the light bulb, and four to argue about whether they're taking the right approach to changing the bulb.

Industry/commercial scientist:
"I'm sorry, changing light bulbs is not in my objectives for this year. If you speak to my line manager we can see about getting it factored in for next year"
talent does what it can
genius does what it must
i do what i get paid to do




Home - About - Terms of Service - Privacy - Contact Us

©1999-2013 Protocol Online, All rights reserved.