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ten commandments for newly minted asst prof

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#1 mdfenko


    an elder emeritus

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Posted 05 August 2011 - 07:04 AM

this was posted (under "careers") by someone at another forum. i thought it should be shared:

Ten commandments for newly minted assist. prof.

1. Thou shalt obey your chairperson, even when thou think he/she is unreasonable.
For he/she is your lord, who decides on your tenure.

2. Thou shalt join the departmental lunch-bunchers.
Eating your microwaved lunch while working in your office may save time, but you will be labeled as a "loner".

3. Thou shalt focus thy research on human diseases.
Working on a pig gene may be interesting to you, but a human gene that is related to a disease can get your project funded.

4. Thou shalt publish or perish.
For tenure decision, number of publications is always counted.

5. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath.
Do not count on the 7th year, you tenure is decided at the end of your 6th year.

6. Thou shalt collaborate with friends in research.
You should find researchers who have the techniques you need for collaboration. Offer authorship in return.

7. Thou shalt not be member of too many committees.
At the end, your number of pubilications play a very important role on your tenure decision.

8. Thou shalt not be too friendly with your students and postdocs.
Granted, you may be 5 years older than your students and postdocs. You have to set your authority, or you will be stepped over.

9. Thou shalt not play favoritism to your subordinates.
This will create conflict among your subordinates. Stick to the rule that rewards students with good work.

10. Thou shalt not pressure your students for good results and scold them for bad ones.
This may force them to fabricate data.

Edited by mdfenko, 05 August 2011 - 07:07 AM.

talent does what it can
genius does what it must
i do what i get paid to do

#2 hobglobin


    Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional...

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Posted 05 August 2011 - 12:11 PM

Thanks, I like it :D

and as addition:
Year 7 is sabbatical.

One must presume that long and short arguments contribute to the same end. - Epicurus
...except casandra's that did belong to the funniest, most interesting and imaginative (or over-imaginative?) ones, I suppose.

#3 lab rat

lab rat

    Why does a science forum not have pictures of mice and rats?

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Posted 05 August 2011 - 06:58 PM

Hmm, it would seem that #10 should be revised to read: "Thou shalt not micromanage..." The rest would still apply. :D
42..."An immutable fixed-precision number of unlimited magnitude." <a href="http://en.wikipedia....amming_language)" target="_blank">http://en.wikipedia....amming_language)</a>, accessed 25June2009.

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