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Why God Didn't Get Tenure


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#1 rkay447

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Posted 02 November 2010 - 11:55 AM

Why God Didn't Get Tenure

1. He had only one major publication.
2. It was in Hebrew.
3. It had no references.
4. It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself.
6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human subjects.
10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning the subjects.
11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book.
13. Some say he had his son teach the class.
14. He expelled his first two students for learning.
15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed his tests.
16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop.

#2 Adrian K

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Posted 02 November 2010 - 03:53 PM

This is great...LOL
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

..."best of our knowledge, as far as we know this had never been reported before, though I can't possible read all the published journals on earth, but by perform thorough search in google, the keywords did not match any documents"...

"what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"---Goddess Casandra reminds me to be strong

"It's all just DNA. Do it."---phage434

#3 UBClabbie

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Posted 05 November 2010 - 02:32 PM

So awesome!
My friend said his Christian friends had a fit when they saw this, but that it was 100% worth it XP

Edited by biotechgirl, 05 November 2010 - 02:33 PM.


#4 rkay447

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 02:38 PM

Yeah...I know some religious people would object but seriously, even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus.

Edited by rkay447, 10 November 2010 - 02:38 PM.


#5 Ameya P

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Posted 10 November 2010 - 09:25 PM

Yeah...I know some religious people would object but seriously, even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus.


Thats is a really sad thing to say about the platypus. Did you know that the Platypus' electroreception is the most sensitive of any monotreme. They are like "Daredevil" in their own way...

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#6 Adrian K

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Posted 11 November 2010 - 05:44 AM


Yeah...I know some religious people would object but seriously, even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the platypus.


Thats is a really sad thing to say about the platypus. Did you know that the Platypus' electroreception is the most sensitive of any monotreme. They are like "Daredevil" in their own way...


Err, mind to tell me about the platypus story? I don't really get it...
Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.

..."best of our knowledge, as far as we know this had never been reported before, though I can't possible read all the published journals on earth, but by perform thorough search in google, the keywords did not match any documents"...

"what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger"---Goddess Casandra reminds me to be strong

"It's all just DNA. Do it."---phage434

#7 rkay447

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Posted 11 November 2010 - 07:19 AM

A quote from a newsweek article:

"The 1999 comedy Dogma opens with a disclaimer, exhorting the audience to remember that “even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus. Thank you and enjoy the show. P.S. We sincerely apologize to all Platypus enthusiasts out there who are offended by that thoughtless comment about Platypi. We at View Askew respect the noble Platypus, and it is not our intention to slight these stupid creatures in any way. Thank you again and enjoy the show.”
God expressed his sense of humor, of course, in assembling a creature that is a little bit mammal (the platypus, a native of Australia, produces milk and is furry), a little bit reptile (it lays eggs and has venom, released from spurs in the hind legs) and a little bit bird (eggs again, plus it has a bill like a duck as well as webbed feet)."


Anyway, it's actually a very common joke that the platypus is proof that God has a sense of humor. Just google "platypus God's joke" and you come up with many hits...including the Urban dictionary. I'm just having a difficult time believing that I actually made someone angrier with a joke about a platypus than the joke making fun of God. Wow...must be a slow day in science.

#8 casandra

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Posted 11 November 2010 - 01:13 PM

A quote from a newsweek article:

"The 1999 comedy Dogma opens with a disclaimer, exhorting the audience to remember that “even God has a sense of humor. Just look at the Platypus. Thank you and enjoy the show. P.S. We sincerely apologize to all Platypus enthusiasts out there who are offended by that thoughtless comment about Platypi. We at View Askew respect the noble Platypus, and it is not our intention to slight these stupid creatures in any way. Thank you again and enjoy the show.”
God expressed his sense of humor, of course, in assembling a creature that is a little bit mammal (the platypus, a native of Australia, produces milk and is furry), a little bit reptile (it lays eggs and has venom, released from spurs in the hind legs) and a little bit bird (eggs again, plus it has a bill like a duck as well as webbed feet)."


Anyway, it's actually a very common joke that the platypus is proof that God has a sense of humor. Just google "platypus God's joke" and you come up with many hits...including the Urban dictionary. I'm just having a difficult time believing that I actually made someone angrier with a joke about a platypus than the joke making fun of God. Wow...must be a slow day in science.

well, I am not angry (tho I'd have you burn at the stake in the 16th century).... but hopefully God and the poor platypus apppreciate the joke too...:)...so how about a joke making fun of some "die-hard" scientists:

Veritas Vos Liberabit

Edited by casandra, 11 November 2010 - 01:35 PM.

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#9 metaltemujin

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Posted 16 May 2011 - 07:27 AM

Maybe god thought the platypus was cute... *shrugs*
Splice is the scariest Bio-tech based movie ever. People, don't be like the character in it.

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My most used scientific quote: "This is annoyingannoyingannoyingannoyingannoyingannoying.....




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