Jump to content

  • Log in with Facebook Log in with Twitter Log in with Windows Live Log In with Google      Sign In   
  • Create Account

Submit your paper to J Biol Methods today!
Photo
- - - - -

This one is horrible


  • Please log in to reply
88 replies to this topic

#16 casandra

casandra

    carpe diem by the jugulum

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,034 posts
56
Excellent

Posted 23 March 2010 - 09:08 AM

Me ? I dont have jokes.

I am not the kind of person that tells jokes, I am more the kind of person that "uses" the moment the make a "snap" commentary or a sarcastic remark.

I do however like the following one very much, but you allready know it since its fameus.
Posted Image

ooooh..the tough joke critic /heckler :D..and yup, I've seen this 'X marks the X' kinda sorta joke....
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#17 casandra

casandra

    carpe diem by the jugulum

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,034 posts
56
Excellent

Posted 23 March 2010 - 11:09 AM

ok, pito...how about this famous classic 'the frog prince': :P

A girl was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, "If you kiss me, I`ll turn into a handsome prince".

She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week."

The girl took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I`ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the girl took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into her pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I`ve told you I`m a handsome prince, that I`ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The girl said, "Look, I`m a graduate student. I don`t have time for boys ...but a talking frog, now that`s cool!"


:P..yup, I modified it a bit....
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#18 Doki

Doki

    Veteran

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 265 posts
2
Neutral

Posted 23 March 2010 - 05:07 PM

why are good math teachers as rare as gold teeth (or hangmen)?

is that a nazonazo?

nope, it's a rhetorical one :P...here's a nazonazo:

Question: What is "IT"?

Astronomers do IT all night.
Chemists do IT by bonding.
Newton did IT with force.
Eighteenth century physicists did IT with rigid bodies.
Maxwell did IT with magnetism.
Volta did IT with a jolt.
Watt did IT with power.
Joule did IT with energy.
Ohm did IT with resistance.
Pascal did IT under pressure.
Hooke did IT using springs.
Coulomb got all charged up about IT.
Hertz did IT frequently.
Boltzmann did IT in heat.
Ampere let IT flow.
For Franklin, IT was an electrifying experience.
Edison claims to have invented IT.
When Richter did IT, the Earth shook.
For Darwin, IT was natural.
Freud did IT in his sleep.
Mendel studied the consequences of IT.
When Wegener did IT, continents moved.
Classical physicists do IT in perfectly uniform harmonic motion.
Heisenberg was never sure whether he even did IT.
Bohr did IT in an excited state.
Pauli did IT but excluded his friends.
Schrödinger did IT in waves.
Bose did IT with partners.
Einstein did IT on a curved surface.
Oort did IT in a cloud.
Hubble did IT in the dark.
Watson and Crick got all wound up about IT.
Cosmologists do IT in a big bang.
Theorists do IT on paper.
Wigner did IT in a group.
Richter and Ting did IT with charm.
Astrophysicists do IT with young starlets.
Planetary scientists do IT with Uranus.
Electron microscopists do IT 100,000 times.
Feynman did IT in fields.
Hawking wrote a brief history of IT.
And supersymmetric theorists do IT with sleptons.

:)..."lifted" from the world wide web...another IT....


IT = work B)
Simple living, highnot thinking

#19 pito

pito

    Veteran

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,267 posts
76
Excellent

Posted 24 March 2010 - 02:18 AM

ok, pito...how about this famous classic 'the frog prince': :P

A girl was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to her and said, "If you kiss me, I`ll turn into a handsome prince".

She bent over, picked up the frog and put it in her pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a handsome prince, I will stay with you for one week."

The girl took the frog out of her pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.

The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a prince, I`ll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."

Again the girl took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into her pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I`ve told you I`m a handsome prince, that I`ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won`t you kiss me?"

The girl said, "Look, I`m a graduate student. I don`t have time for boys ...but a talking frog, now that`s cool!"


:P..yup, I modified it a bit....


You modified it a bit so its in accordance with your life?

héhé

BTW Whats the classic version of the joke then?
If you don't know it, then ask it! Better to ask and look foolish to some then not ask and stay stupid.

#20 Doki

Doki

    Veteran

  • Active Members
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 265 posts
2
Neutral

Posted 24 March 2010 - 02:36 AM

In the classic version, the grad student had frog legs for dinner and that saved some money too.
Simple living, highnot thinking

#21 casandra

casandra

    carpe diem by the jugulum

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,034 posts
56
Excellent

Posted 24 March 2010 - 04:30 AM

You modified it a bit so its in accordance with your life?

héhé

BTW Whats the classic version of the joke then?

:P welcome to our sarcastic club, pito...

and yup, if it were my life, I'd keep the talking frog cos Prince Charming is soo overrated and he could be evil too (just ask Shrek)...

.... in the original version, it was actually a nerd (male, of course) who found the beautiful princess frog....and his line was,"I'm a nerd so I don't have time for women...which of course truthfully he shld have said instead, "women don't like me...but a talking, grovelling frog...that's soo cool...." or I might as well modify it once again to- "a talking frog would be impress all the ladies" .....so I just reversed the sexes....so which version do your prefer (and in accordance with your life)...:o :o....take care, dude....

Edited by casandra, 24 March 2010 - 04:36 AM.

"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#22 hobglobin

hobglobin

    Growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional...

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,508 posts
94
Excellent

Posted 24 March 2010 - 01:16 PM

;) welcome to our sarcastic club, pito...

and yup, if it were my life, I'd keep the talking frog cos Prince Charming is soo overrated and he could be evil too (just ask Shrek)...

.... in the original version, it was actually a nerd (male, of course) who found the beautiful princess frog....and his line was,"I'm a nerd so I don't have time for women...which of course truthfully he shld have said instead, "women don't like me...but a talking, grovelling frog...that's soo cool...." or I might as well modify it once again to- "a talking frog would be impress all the ladies" .....so I just reversed the sexes....so which version do your prefer (and in accordance with your life)...;) :)....take care, dude....


I guess you reversed the sexes because the chance to get a princess out of a frog is so much lower than getting a prince...I wonder why... :lol:
One must presume that long and short arguments contribute to the same end. - Epicurus
...except casandra's that belong to the funniest, most interesting and imaginative (or over-imaginative?) ones, I suppose.

#23 casandra

casandra

    carpe diem by the jugulum

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,034 posts
56
Excellent

Posted 24 March 2010 - 01:22 PM

:wacko: welcome to our sarcastic club, pito...

and yup, if it were my life, I'd keep the talking frog cos Prince Charming is soo overrated and he could be evil too (just ask Shrek)...

.... in the original version, it was actually a nerd (male, of course) who found the beautiful princess frog....and his line was,"I'm a nerd so I don't have time for women...which of course truthfully he shld have said instead, "women don't like me...but a talking, grovelling frog...that's soo cool...." or I might as well modify it once again to- "a talking frog would be impress all the ladies" .....so I just reversed the sexes....so which version do your prefer (and in accordance with your life)...;) :P....take care, dude....


I guess you reversed the sexes because the chance to get a princess out of a frog is so much lower than getting a prince...I wonder why... :D

I reversed the sexes bec once again even with classic nerd jokes..it's always about guys..and what revolves around guys, no matter how dorky they are...and I'm betting a guy will definitely kiss a frog but a girl wouldn't be able to decide immediately until the frog dies of old age.....:P

Edited by casandra, 24 March 2010 - 01:24 PM.

"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#24 pito

pito

    Veteran

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,267 posts
76
Excellent

Posted 25 March 2010 - 04:34 AM

I reversed the sexes bec once again even with classic nerd jokes..it's always about guys..and what revolves around guys, no matter how dorky they are...and I'm betting a guy will definitely kiss a frog but a girl wouldn't be able to decide immediately until the frog dies of old age.....:)


I think it depends on how pretty the girl is :P
If you don't know it, then ask it! Better to ask and look foolish to some then not ask and stay stupid.

#25 casandra

casandra

    carpe diem by the jugulum

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,034 posts
56
Excellent

Posted 25 March 2010 - 04:48 AM

I reversed the sexes bec once again even with classic nerd jokes..it's always about guys..and what revolves around guys, no matter how dorky they are...and I'm betting a guy will definitely kiss a frog but a girl wouldn't be able to decide immediately until the frog dies of old age.....:P


I think it depends on how pretty the girl is :P

:)....don't you know that a girl is always pretty....and speaking of frogs...I mean ducks and bars, this always cracks me up (bracing myself for a snappy comeback from you, pito...:P):

"A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any duck food. The bartender says no, and the duck leaves. The next day, the duck comes back and asks the bartender if he has any duck food, the bartender says no, and the duck leaves.

On the third day the duck walks in an is about to ask, when the bartender yells "If you ask me for duck food, I'll nail your feet to the bar" The duck says nothing and leaves. The next day, the duck walks into the bar and asks the bartender "got any nails?" to which the bartender answers "no". "In that case" the duck says "got any duck food?"

:P...
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#26 pito

pito

    Veteran

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,267 posts
76
Excellent

Posted 25 March 2010 - 05:02 AM

Héhé thats a good one.

btw if girls are always pretty then why do girls always ask questions like: does my ass look big in this? tell me honestly.... I mean: no matter what you say, you are fucked up anyway :) :P

A guy can tell a girl she looks pretty and still get stuff trown at his head because she thinks she is not pretty :P
If you don't know it, then ask it! Better to ask and look foolish to some then not ask and stay stupid.

#27 casandra

casandra

    carpe diem by the jugulum

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,034 posts
56
Excellent

Posted 25 March 2010 - 06:08 AM

Héhé thats a good one.

btw if girls are always pretty then why do girls always ask questions like: does my ass look big in this? tell me honestly.... I mean: no matter what you say, you are fucked up anyway :) :P

A guy can tell a girl she looks pretty and still get stuff trown at his head because she thinks she is not pretty :P

Do I detect a lot of frustration there, pito? :P....no matter how hard you try, you will never solve that "I don't know what this woman wants from me" problem...unless you become a mind reader....but don't you like a mystery? Btw, if a girl asks you that quintessential question of "does my ass look big in this?", you shld always go with, "you'd look good in whatever you wear" and then she'd suspect you're up to something no good....:P
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#28 pito

pito

    Veteran

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,267 posts
76
Excellent

Posted 25 March 2010 - 06:43 AM

Héhé thats a good one.

btw if girls are always pretty then why do girls always ask questions like: does my ass look big in this? tell me honestly.... I mean: no matter what you say, you are fucked up anyway :P :P

A guy can tell a girl she looks pretty and still get stuff trown at his head because she thinks she is not pretty :P

Do I detect a lot of frustration there, pito? :P....no matter how hard you try, you will never solve that "I don't know what this woman wants from me" problem...unless you become a mind reader....but don't you like a mystery? Btw, if a girl asks you that quintessential question of "does my ass look big in this?", you shld always go with, "you'd look good in whatever you wear" and then she'd suspect you're up to something no good....:D


Indeed, like you said: always tell them they look good and then they start yelling at you that you are lying or whatever.. lol
And when you are honest and tell them their ass looks fat , then they are mad too... go figure :lol:

I am always up to something evil..... :P B) :)
If you don't know it, then ask it! Better to ask and look foolish to some then not ask and stay stupid.

#29 casandra

casandra

    carpe diem by the jugulum

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 5,034 posts
56
Excellent

Posted 25 March 2010 - 07:46 AM

Indeed, like you said: always tell them they look good and then they start yelling at you that you are lying or whatever.. lol

and they are most probably right :lol:


And when you are honest and tell them their ass looks fat , then they are mad too... go figure :P


but can you blame them? my gosh.. how can you be this cruel?? :P

I am always up to something evil..... :P :P :)


how evil?
"Oh what a beauteousness!"
- hobglobin, personal comment about my beauteous photo......

#30 pito

pito

    Veteran

  • Global Moderators
  • PipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPipPip
  • 1,267 posts
76
Excellent

Posted 25 March 2010 - 07:58 AM

and they are most probably right :P


You think so?
Yeah you are right.... meaning they dont look pretty... meaning you were wrong when stating all girl look pretty... :P

but can you blame them? my gosh.. how can you be this cruel?? :)


Cruel? By just telling the truth and only the truth? It is what they ask you: does my ass look fat is this, and plz be honest.....

So yeah, I am honest... if I tell it looks good, then I am a liar, if I tell the truth then they are angry for telling the truth... :P

how evil?





You cant imagine...

Edited by pito, 25 March 2010 - 07:59 AM.

If you don't know it, then ask it! Better to ask and look foolish to some then not ask and stay stupid.




Home - About - Terms of Service - Privacy - Contact Us

©1999-2013 Protocol Online, All rights reserved.